Big points for efficiency, right there

5 Superpowers From the Bible That Put Marvel and DC to Shame

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Ezekiel was a prophet. For most Biblical prophets, this meant having freaky visions, telling them to people, being mocked and most likely being executed for canada goose coats on sale heresy. But it was all worth it, when things like this happened:

canada goose clearance sale An army of the undead, right at our fingertips? Imagine the bank robbers running uk canada goose when suddenly rotting arms reach up from the ground, grab that sack of cash, steal his car and beat him with his own intestines. But crime fighting is just the beginning, we’re thinking there’s really an incredible number of uses for your legions of undead henchman. canada goose clearance sale

canada goose deals This special ability seems to require having a lot of exposed skeletons laying around, a resource we probably won’t find while fighting crime with Spider Man in New York (unless there are some neighborhoods that are way worse than we initially thought). canada goose deals

Canada Goose Jackets Secondly, some Canada Goose Outlet people might get a bit uneasy about the whole walking around town followed by an army Canada Goose sale of terrifying zombies. It’s one of the tenets of being a superhero that your presence doesn’t prompt horrified shrieks from children. So we would have to move somewhere where freakishly impossible and ethically questionable things won’t seem out of place. So in Exodus 7:10 12: Canada Goose Jackets

buy canada goose jacket Sure the magicians were able to pull off Canada Goose Online the snake trick with slightly less hungry snakes. But based on our canada goose uk black friday experience with Egyptian magic, we bet those guys just threw down rubber snakes their magicians assistants wiggled around the floor with a wire. buy canada goose jacket

canada goose black friday sale Also, the above example is only one of many times those staffs come in handy. Before long, Moses and Aaron were using their magic staffs to turn rivers into blood, spread disease through the land and even summon armies of locusts. It was basically like God declared their staffs to be wild cards in a hand of terrifying superpower poker. canada goose black friday sale

Canada Goose Outlet Crime does not want Canada Goose Parka to see us canada goose out on the streets with one of these. Point a gun at us, buddy? Watch as it turns into a swarm of canada goose factory sale killer cheap canada goose uk bees that sting your face off. Canada Goose Outlet

cheap Canada Goose We’d be like a combination of Batman and Harry Potter, only instead of tiny wands we’d have huge freaking staffs that would also serve as clubs, or giant legs of fried cheap Canada Goose chicken if we got hungry, canada goose uk shop or wanted to make a beating particularly humiliating. Though despite their ability to do anything, we suspect we’d still use the «turn into a snake» feature the most. cheap Canada Goose

canada goose coats He then made sure that his parents, who were canada goose outlet with him, didn’t know anything about it, probably using the old «Hey, look over there, and continue to do so while ignoring the grotesque sounds and spray of blood coming from this general direction.» Most buy canada goose jacket cheap intriguing about this might be the fact that the canadian goose jacket Lion came «roaring» toward Samson, and yet he still killed it so quickly that his folks didn’t find out. Big points for efficiency, right there. canada goose coats

Biblical scholars have bitterly debated whether or not Samson could have stood up to modern weaponry. He clearly could not be killed with swords or spears, but was later killed Canada Goose Jackets when a building fell on him. We’re actually not canada goose clearance sure how much crime we’d want to be fighting if we could still be brought down with a bullet to the head.

canadian goose jacket No, we’d probably wind canada goose coats up with a lucrative career on the Mixed Martial Arts circuit instead. As for the lion wrestling thing, it’s hard to imagine that ever coming up unless we were drunk at the zoo. canadian goose jacket

Canada Goose sale Jesus, Like a Non Useless Aquaman Canada Goose sale

Canada Goose Parka Jesus. Maybe you’ve heard of him. But of all the healing and feeding and returning from the dead he did, this has got to be the most awesome superpower he had, from Mark 4:35 41: Canada Goose Parka

So they’re out in the middle of a hurricane, tossed around like the guys on Deadliest Catch and Jesus, because he was just hardcore like that, didn’t mind the drenching rain and the loud thunder and continued sleeping. His disciples woke him up and started griping with stupid complaints like «The boat is halfway under water!» and «We are going to die!»

canada goose clearance Elisha and Elijah’s Abilty To Summon Bears, Split Rivers with Dirty Laundry canada goose clearance

canada goose Elijah and Elisha were an epic miracle producing canada goose store tag team in their time (sort of like if Superman had a younger protege named «Duperman»). Elijah, after a life spent raising the dead and calling down fire to smite heathen uk canada goose outlet prophets, goes out like this: canada goose

canada goose store That’s 2 Kings 2: 11 14 where God, deciding that waiting thousands of years for someone so incredibly badass as Elijah to die would be too long, just plucked him from the ground and up through the pearly gates canada goose uk outlet while he was still alive. And since God likes to make those rare public appearances count for something, he stages the whole thing in a cool ass flaming chariot. canada goose store

buy canada goose jacket cheap Elisha, now that his name would no longer be confused with anyone else, found that he could reach his buy canada goose jacket full potential. Not to be outdone by the whole «whirlwind» thing, he uses Elijah’s coat to casually split a river in half. That’s right, something that was a huge deal for Charleton Heston’s Moses was accomplished using only the powers that had rubbed off canada goose clearance sale on a piece of Elijah’s dirty laundry. How could Elisha, who was to be Elijah’s successor, possibly top that? buy canada goose jacket cheap

We’d pretty much rule the world. Unlike Moses and Aaron, Elijah and Elisha didn’t have those ridiculous «staff» things holding them back. These guys were basically plugged into The Matrix Canada Goose online here, and could do anything they wanted whether the laws of physics were cool with it or not.

Updated: 28 августа, 2018 — 5:13 дп

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